Category: General
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A world without pain
Tw for su*cidal ideat*on Last night, we cried about the “new stuff”. It was the first time we achieved this in months (emphasis on achievement). The despair was real, but so hard to get to, like a mirage I desperately tried to avoid and reach at the same time. The…
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Management
Tw for programming The constant management of my mental health drives me nuts sometimes. Although I know deep inside me that that is what has kept me alive for years now, it is so tiresome. I don’t know if it is the repetition or the fact that I can’t seem…
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Being host, arrogance and growth
By C. (written from my perspective only, this does not represent other parts’ perspective in our system) Four years later, I am still trying to unpack my situationship as host of this system. Yesterday, I was telling my therapist (and the rest of the system listening) that I had been…
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Unconditional love
This is a transcript of a discussion between two adult alters in our system. One of them was trying to help the other figure things out. – What if I gave you unconditional love? Would you take it? – No. I wouldn’t. – Why? – How would I know what…
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Letter to love
TW for su*cidal ideat*on Dear sweet love, Why do you always come back for the save? Why do you always come back to me? Why? I wish it were possible for you to leave me alone to rot once and for all. But I feel like if you did do…
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Unseen and unheard
« Unless and until I am seen, I don’t want to see others. » When I used to be hyper-traumatized and completely unaware and amnesiac, I could not for the life of me, have any kind of empathy for someone else’s issues. I couldn’t put myself in their shoes, I couldn’t shush…
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Life worth living?
A couple weeks ago, we (the System of Gardens & Flowers) were sitting on our bed, in the morning, contemplating amongst ourselves whether life was worth living. We weren’t suicidal, more so trying to cope with our depression. It’s a common issue for us. I feel like I should say…
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Underbelly
Tw: programming, psychiatrist The collage was made first and the words came from the collage. Earlier today, I explained to a tiny 3 year old alter what loneliness means. I said to him: “it’s about lacking real connection with people. They are there and smile at you but you have…
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Scotland
Tw: mentions of consequences of programm*ng (without detail) and holocaust trauma, derealization about time and memories — Scotland, you brought me joy, awe and amazement, a combination I rarely feel. I stood there Iooking at your mountains and streams and realized the world is big and magnificent. But I didn’t…
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Healing baby parts PDF
This presentation is shared here for systems and therapists out there. It is based on our experience, which obviously could differ from yours. You can use the presentation to learn and grow as an individual and a professional individually and we really hope it helps. It was presented both at…
System of Gardens & Flowers 